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Some somber news to report today: the filly Eight Belles tragically lost her life this weekend racing in the Kentucky Derby. This is heart-breaking news for horse lovers everywhere. On a more positive note, this is terrific news for everyone at the local glue factory.

Can you really make glue out of horses? I read about it in Animal Farm, so I’m going to assume yes (if anyone out there is an expert on the subject, please enlighten us). Anyways, I extend my condolences to all of Eight Belles’ fans, and my congratulations to all those hard-working Kentucky glue makers.

Lastly, I agree with this petition from PETA calling for the suspension of jockey Gabriel Saez, whom I suspect is guilty of foul play. Sorry for being un-PC, but if there’s one group I don’t trust, it’s 4-foot tall people from Panama. 

Fuck Pearl Jam

What is with this “Nirvana vs. Pearl Jam” debate? I’m pretty sure the whole concept was invented by delusional Pearl Jam fans. I wouldn’t normally entertain such a silly comparison as this one, on par with “Beethoven’s 5th Symphony vs. MMMBop” or “Citizen Kane vs. Monkey Trouble“. Unfortunately, the idea that Pearl Jam is the superior band seems to be gaining steam among non-stoner frat guys, dudes who work in Marketing, and Darius Rucker of Hootie & the Blowfish. Let us take a look at each of these bands during various stages in their respective careers:

In fairness, some of these comparisons are close:

Ten contains two standout tracks, “Porch” and “Alive”, that are almost as good as “Territorial Pissings” and “Lithium” on Nevermind. The big difference is in the mega-hit singles, “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Jeremy”. SLTS, though not Nirvana’s best, is a good, straight-forward rock song, whereas “Jeremy” does not really rock at all. These songs have relatively famous videos, both of which demonstrate the main point here–one band’s main goal is to rock, and the other band is trying to do something else, like weird me out with all these “whoooaaaa ooohhh AYE YA YA YAY YAY” vocal adlibs.

Unplugged in New York contains 6 stellar cover songs, but none of the Nirvana originals are on par with their previous recordings. Vitology, in typical Pearl Jam fashion, stumbles through a series of forgettable filler material; however, the record contains the exceptional “Corduroy” and the pretty-good “Better Man”. The difference ended up being Pearl Jam’s inexplicable decision not to include “Yellow Ledbetter” on this album. My guess is that Eddie Vedder was so pretentious, he figured the album would be good enough without it, and he wanted to make his fans shell out another $10 and buy the Jeremy CD single in order to hear one of Pearl Jam’s few excellent songs.

As for Pearl Jam’s later endeavors … ouch. It’s clear that the world would be better off if Eddie Vedder blew his brains out instead. In fact, It’s not really fair to compare these Pearl Jam albums to anything released by Nirvana (including posthumous efforts like the awesome With The Lights Out Box Set). Let’s give Pearl Jam another shot–this time against a more comparable opponent:

You can see that the first video is for the Britney Spears song, “Dear Diary” (which wasn’t even a hit single, by the way) and the second video is one of Pearl Jam’s lesser efforts, “Wish List”. Let’s compare these two tracks in a few different areas.

Vocally, I think the difference is obvious. Spears, while not exactly Aretha Franklin, exhibits a decent vocal range. She also doesn’t mind being a little adventurous, reaching for that high note every now and then. Vedder, on the other hand, does not once venture outside the one-octave range below middle C. He also has a bland, monotone quality about his voice, like he’s recording the vocals in his room and is afraid that his mom might hear him.

Lyrically, each song is very formulaic. Each verse begins, “I wish I was … blah blah blah” or “Dear Diary … there’s some dude I like … yadda yadda yadda …” I think ultimately they differ in terms of having a central message and conveying it effectively. Britney has a clear, concise point to make: I like some guy, and I’m writing about it in my diary. Vedder doesn’t really know what he wants to say, preferring instead to ramble like a drunk college freshman attempting to do his Philosophy 101 homework. He opens with the line: “I wish I was a neutron bomb for once I didn’t go off.” Who gives a shit? Bombs are bad, I know–make a fucking point and move on.

Musically, the advantage also goes to Spears. The production here is minimal but does the job and doesn’t put me to sleep. I like a good electric piano every now and then, and the harmonic structure is decent for a ballad with a few modular passing tones. In contrast, Pearl Jam has too many cooks stirring the harmonic pot. The entire verse goes:

E E D D E E D D E E D D E E D D F F F F F F F F
C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C

I’m not sure why you would need four musicians to play this. Also, it sucks. The drumming lacks creativity and is therefore unnecessary. The chorus contains some chords other than C, unfortunately they are a very predictable F & G.

This concludes my analysis of Pearl Jam’s musical canon. In closing, I’d also like to point out that I personally hate Eddie Vedder. I also hate the entire Vedder family (even the little kids), as they are guilty by association.

Random Shit from 1989

I was thinking about it, and the first year I remember stuff on TV was 1989. My most vivid memory was watching the Giants lose to the LA Rams in the playoffs, 19-13 in OT (Flipper Anderson caught the game-winning TD and ran directly through the tunnel into the locker room). All the older kids on the school bus made fun of me the next day, as I was somehow an insane Giants fan even at the age of six.

On a more positive note, I was a big Nickelodeon buff, and my sister & cousins were all into HBO and MTV. Here are my personal highlights from 1989 in the world of movies & television:

Weird Al - UHF

This music video is from the movie of the same name. Good song and video. The movie was sort of cheesy yet entertaining; I particularly liked the Spatula City and Town Talk bits.

 

Beetlejuice

For some reason I was obsessed with this movie. I think I would like anyone that does stuff when you say their name three times in a row. Two late-eighties “that guy”s make an early apperance in this clip: the principal from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and the mom from Home Alone. I borrowed the phrase “that guy” from Bill Simmons; he’s just going to have to deal with it. 

Incidentally, both Beetlejuice and UHF got two thumbs down from Siskel & Ebert. Shows how much I know.

The Democratic Party

For the most part, I try to avoid talking politics in this forum. One thing that you won’t see anywhere in Quality Prose is political spin. Sure I have opinions about stuff like war, taxes, etc; but I’ll never try to convince you, the reader, to agree with me.

One subject that does interest me is political strategy. I enjoy a good filibuster, a an effective gerrymandering, or a clutch, last-second rider to a congressional funding bill. In that respect, the Democratic Party has reached a new level of tactical buffoonery.

It reminds me a lot of Jean Van De Velde’s historic collapse during the 1999 British Open. Needing only a double-bogey on the last hole to win, Van De Velde completely shit the bed with a series of baffling shots, eventually needing a 6-foot put for triple-bogey (he made the put but lost in the ensuing playoff). In my opinion, his most inane blunder was choosing to hit a driver off the tee: opting for an iron shot would’ve basically guaranteed bogey and a 2-stroke win.

The 2008 general election found the Democrats in a much similar position initially. If you don’t believe me, consider the following:

-The issues that matter most to voters are Iraq (29%) and the economy (21%).
-McCain supports the Iraq war that 63% of the voting public thinks “was a mistake.”
-Regarding the economy, McCain says: “I’m not an expert on a lot of this stuff.”

Piece of cake, huh? Now let’s sit back and watch the Dems cruise to victory:

Source: Rasmussen Reports

Whoops! The funny thing was I came across the following article on gallup.com: Democrats Split on Whether Campaign Is Hurting the Party. It reads, “a majority of Obama supporters say the campaign is hurting the party and that party leaders should get together to back one of the candidates. A majority of Clinton supporters, on the other hand, say the continuing campaign is not hurting the party and should continue.”

Holy shit, I think this guy’s cracked this case. Apparently, supporters of a particular candidate generally favor a nomination process which gives said candidate a better chance of winning. Get the fuck out of here, that’s ridiculous.

Also, I love how instead of gathering the data that would answer his question, he just went around asking random Democrats, “hey, do you know the answer?” That’s Ryan 1, gallup.com 0.

Meta-Blogging

FYI, I’ve recently made lots of enhancements and added a few bells & whistles to this page. I updated my “about” page (before it said something like “hey, this is an about page” no shit really, thanks wordpress) and I also noticed that all my posts were being labeled as “uncategorized”. I was able to fix this problem by categorizing them. I realized that every iota of nonsense I’ve typed and published onto Quality Prose could be generalized under one of the following:

1) Personal Anecdotes - my weird neighbors, etc
2) Stuff I Like - e.g. concerts
3) Stuff I Dislike - crappy songs
4) Meta-Blogging - posts about blogging

Meta-Blogging encompasses posts like “Check it out guys, this blog is totally radical!” (specifically the entries This is a “Blog” and TP Blows Goats). The only point of this post was to talk about Meta-Blogging, just so I would have to create a 5th catagory for posts about Meta-Blogging. I’m not really sure why I wanted to do that, but mission fucking accomplished.

As Sammy Hagar famously blabbered, “C’mon baby, finish what ya started.” Who better to take advice from as we conclude our masochistic trip down memory lane? Let’s pick it up at #5 with a once legendary musician, whose career took a turn for the worse in the mid-seventies.

5. Paul McCartney & Wings – Silly Love Songs

Some people have asked me what’s up with all the classic rock songs on this list. Where are the Backstreet Boys? Celine Dion? NKOTB? Didn’t make the cut. It’s hard to believe, but these songs are even worse. Case in point, this vomit-inducing ballad by former Beatle Paul McCartney.

According to Wikipedia, “McCartney had been often teased by music critics for writing lightweight songs, and McCartney wrote this number in response.” Obviously he was content with the response, Critics, you are absolutely right. I’m a big fucking douchebag, and I’ve written this song to prove it.

4. Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart & Sting – All For Love

Notice a pattern here? Approximately 40% of all shitty songs have the word “love” in the title. This monstrosity was featured in a humorous bit on Beavis & Butthead, where the duo started screaming in horror until one of them finally changed the channel.

The video adds an extra dimension of crap to the original recording. For some unfathomable reason, it has a one-minute intro consisting of:

Sting: Bryan, how’s it goin?
Bryan Adams: Oh, hey Sting.
Sting: Hey, where’s Rod Stewart?
Bryan Adams: I dunno, he said he was on his way. So, what’s up Sting?
Sting: Oh, you know, this and that.
Rod Stewart: Hey guys! Ready to shoot the video?
Sting: Rod! Buddy old Pal! Nah, let’s wank around for another 30 seconds.
Bryan Adams: Hey, doesn’t this haircut make me look like a dipshit?
Rod Stewart: It sure does. Man, this song is gonna suck.
Bryan Adams: Yea, I’m totally pumped.

3. O.A.R. – Hey Girl

Here is an actual line from this song:

Well we went out late that night and we danced through the night

Are you fucking serious O.A.R.? It’s like you’re not even trying.

The thing is, train wreaks like this (although maybe not quite as clichéd as this one) get written all the time; but they usually result in scorn and ridicule from one’s peers. “Hey Girl” was actually played multiple times on nationally-syndicated modern rock radio. The only plausible explanation is that the members of O.A.R. sold their souls to the Devil–in return for a guaranteed hit single, no matter how terrible the song. What sort of demonic fiend could write a ballad this awful and make it popular? Hmm, maybe they got some tips from the next band on our countdown…

2. Nickelback – If Everyone Cared

The Beatles of Crap. The Shakespeares of Suck. Call them whatever you want, but Nickelback has left an indelible mark on the world of shitty music.

Trying to pick the worst Nickelback song is a bit like trying to decide what to order at IHOP. You carefully study the menu, meticulously scrutinizing the description of each potential meal until your stomach pleads with your brain to make it all end–but you still can’t decide between the Eggs Benedict, the Sausage & Biscuits, the Breakfast Combo, the Ham & Egg Melt, the Blueberry Pancakes, the Banana Pancakes, or the Stuffed French Toast.

Nickelback is sort of a bizarro version of that. Everything on the menu sucks.

You really just have to go with your gut (pardon the pun) in these situations. Most of Nickelback’s songs are bad in a humorously inept way, and I believe “If Everyone Cared” possesses that quality more so than any other. Take this nugget of lyrical wisdom from frontman Chad Kroeger:

And as we lie beneth the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

I almost pissed my pants when I heard that.

1. Marcia Griffiths – Electric Boogie

Oops wrong video, my bad.

Wait, that wasn’t it either. Well in any event, hopefully I’ve somewhat prepared you for the experience of actually listening to this song
(seriously, click on that link at your own risk–don’t say I didn’t warn you).

“Electric Boogie” as you may have guessed, is the song that popularized the Electric Slide dance routine. I’ve been forced to endure it at High School dances, Weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, and other occasions I’ve since blocked from my memory.

When I think of this song, I’m reminded of the Trent Reznor line, “If there is a Hell, I’ll see you there.” Surely, Electric Boogie will be playing when we get there.

I Need More Drugs

Man, it seems like it’s always something else with me. Excuses, excuses, I know. So the latest reason for not updating my blog is a pretty simple one: lack of drugs. One of my favorite drugs is called Adderall. It’s a pretty cool amphetamine-based prescription drug that allows me to focus more easily than before.

Before (with drugs):

Yep, all I have to do is pop one addy and I feel like a million bucks. It used to make me eat less, but that side effect went away after a while. But now that I ran out of it, I get these frequent, illogical cravings for food. I’ll be sitting at work one afternoon and suddenly be like: YO I NEED SOME FUCKING CAKE BATTER ICE CREAM PRONTO. Here is a visual representation:

After (without drugs):

This is no good. I’m supposed to be doing something else right now but I wrote this blog instead. Next time I get Adderall and I’m tempted to eat a bunch of it right away, I’ll remember this cautionary tale and save some of it for later.

It’s me again, welcome to Part II of the series: Concerts I Went To, and Other Shit I Did That Weekend. I have some more work to do today so this story will be even worse than the last one, but I’ll at least attempt a quick synopsis:

Showed up to Spoon @ Sonar in Baltimore 1.5 hours late, still had to sit through 1.5 more hours of the 2nd opening band. Drove to DC & was staying with Julienne, she usually has entertaining shows saved on Tivo. I had no idea the Beltway was just a big circle, I’m kind of a moron but that’s good to know for future reference. Also there was some really cool looking building in Virginia and I tried to take a picture of it, but it was hard to do that without swerving off the road, and by that time I had already driven by it. We hung out with Dicky and infamous blogger DC Hero on Saturday night. Dicky likes to talk about funk albums from the early 80’s and DC Hero will usually comment about how drunk he is. On Sunday we went to the Nats/Braves game where Tim Redding continued his inexplicable run of success in 2008, and youngster Lastings Milledge was named Player of the Game in the team’s 5-4 victory. Here is the setlist for Friday night’s Spoon show:

Main Set:
Chicago At Night
Rhthm and Soul
Stay Don’t Go
Jonathon Fisk
The Delicate Place
Nefarious
The Ghost of You Lingers
Peace Like a River (Paul Simon Cover)
Don’t You Evah
Don’t Make Me a Target
Someone Something
Back To The Life
I Summon You
I Turn My Camera On
Finer Feelings
You Got Yr. Cherry Bomb
The Two Sides of Monsieur Valentine
The Underdog

Encore #1:
Anything You Want
The Beast and Dragon, Adorned
Small Stakes

Encore #2:
Rocks Off (Stones Cover)

Grade: A. All of these songs are good, but in particular: “Jonathon Fisk”, “The Ghost of You Lingers”, “Don’t You Evah”, and “The Two Sides of Monsieur Valentine” were the highlights of the main set. They played most of their best songs, although “My Mathematical Mind” and “Vittorio E” were notable exceptions. For those of you unfamiliar with Spoon, the last two songs of Encore #1-”The Beast and Dragon, Adorned” and “Small Stakes”–are arguably their two finest (I’m not in love with “Anything You Want” but it’s not bad or anything). I’m very pleased with this new trend of covering awesome British Invasion songs for encores. After watching Stephen Malkmus cover “Taxman” two weeks before and totally nail it, I was happy to see Spoon come through with a very tasteful song choice, and a performance which frankly was probably better than the original. Also, lead singer/guitarist Britt Daniel sings like a British guy, but he’s actually from Austin, Texas and sounds like Jim Belushi when he talks.

Someone asked me a question about encores in the previous post: yes all rock concerts have an encore. Some bands play two entire sets, then come back for a one song encore; other acts play one long set, then do a couple songs for an encore. This is the 1st show I’ve been to with multiple encores, but it’s not necessarily unheard of. The encore isn’t really a surprise as such. In my experience, when the show is actually over they turn the lights on, so you can always tell if the band is coming back for another encore or not. Ideally, your original set will leave the audience wanting more, so the encore provides a good sense of closure to the performance. I think for that reason, cover songs are very popular as an encore. Out of the 4 really good bands I’ve seen live–White Stripes, Spoon, Phish & Steven Malkmus–all of them performed cover songs during their encore. This would be a good Wikipedia entry for “encore”.

Hi gang. Sorry I’ve been out of commission for so long, and that I never finished Part II of Worst Songs of All Time. What happened was I was sitting down to write about “Silly Love Songs” by Paul McCartney, and how much I hate it, and while I was writing I got more and more angry about it, then suddenly I blacked out. When I finally came to I was in a mental hospital, where they told me I had been singing Wings’ Greatest Hits and banging my head against the wall for the past week. Afterwards they let me go, but told me to take a break from blogging about shitty music for at least a few weeks.

So don’t worry, I’ll finish up Part II a little later. But before that I’d like to discuss some musical acts that I actually enjoy. When I told everyone I was going to see Stephen Malkmus & the Jicks in Philly a few weeks ago, most peoples’ reactions were along the lines of, “Who the fuck is that?” Well, that’s sort of like saying who the fuck is Elvis or The Pope, but probably worse. The bottom line is this: if I’m going to a concert, that means the band either kicks ass or is Jimmy Buffett (however Buffett concerts promote binge drinking, an activity which kicks ass).

Malkmus performs his latest hit,

Stephen Malkmus performs his latest hit “Hopscotch Willie”

In Philly I hung out with my old DX friend. I won’t use his real name here, lest this blog entry become evidence in a court of law. Let’s call him “Jewberg” (his first name is Michael, but I’ve never called him Michael or Mike before, not once). The main objectives for this weekend were:

(1) play Rockband for PS3
(2) see Stephen Malkmus & the Jicks
(3) participate in a fantasy baseball auction

Objective 1 was accomplished immediately. Rockband is probably superior to Guitar Hero in terms of gameplay, but it may take a while to get used to if you’re a Guitar Hero expert-level player. What sucked was I was right in the middle of totally shredding on the “In Bloom” guitar solo, when my friend’s fiancée returned home and started hassling us. However, that did lead to the following exchange which I found amusing:

Fiancée: Michael, why does the whole house smell like pot?
Jewberg: Because we were smoking pot.

Then she started going on and on about how there was a 7 year old coming to their house and it would be bad if the house smelled like weed. Technically this was true. What she failed to mention was that the 7 year old stepdaughter of a guy, who was coming over to smoke weed, would be coming as well. His real name is Matt or something, but I call him “Motherfuckers” because that’s the name of his fantasy baseball team.

After our company had arrived, future Mrs. Jewberg and Motherfuckers’ girlfriend/wife (I forget which) were hanging out, and all of the sudden they were like:

“Hey, let’s go smoke some pot!”
“Yea, good idea!”

Unbelievable. I mean, I don’t encourage any sort of illegal activities in front of children, but it’s not as if they even know what pot smells like. In contrast, saying something to the effect of “I’m going to go smoke pot right now” in front of a first-grader seems like a bad idea to me. It was also interesting and somewhat fitting that she looked exactly like Little Miss Sunshine–I guess Motherfuckers would be like the coked-out grandfather.

Owner of the fantasy baseball team

Owner of the fantasy baseball team “Motherfuckers”

After they were gone I gave Jewberg $5 to roll me a J for the concert, and I was on my way. I got a little nervous because the guy in front of me got practically cavity-searched; they even made him open his pack of cigs to see if there were any marijuana cigarettes in there. I had the goods in my sock, so I was pretty safe (one time I walked into a Phish concert with a bowl in my shoe, and then I had to walk up 8 flights of stairs–my foot really hurt afterwards). Here was the Malkmus setlist:

Main Set:
Elmo Delmo
Hopscotch Willie
Vanessa From Queens
Dragonfly Pie
It Kills
Cold Son
Gardenia
We Can’t Help You
Real Emotional Trash
Baby C’mon
Baltimore

Encore:
Malediction
Us
Taxman (Beatles cover)
Church on White

Grade: A-. “Hopscotch Willie” and “Baltimore” are outstanding songs, and were performed exceptionally with a good amount of improvisation. I’m not a huge fan of “We Can’t Help You” but all of those other songs are good. Malkmus shows are usually 70% material from his latest album, fortunately Real Emotional Trash is arguably his best. I would’ve liked to hear “Water and a Seat” or “Pencil Rot” though. The encore was terrific, great performance and song choice for the Beatles cover.

The next day I got breakfast at Wawa, one of the Philly metro area’s finest food emporiums, and prepared myself for an intense day of fantasy sports. The task at hand: to out-dork the competition by building the most statistically-productive imaginary squadron. During the draft, I got a little excited and spent most of my money on 5 or 6 dudes, so my team sort of looks like: A-rod, Big Papi, Ichiro, … , David Eckstein, Brad Ausmus, Chan Ho Park. An interesting coincidence here is that Malkmus is a self-described fantasy sports dork. In fact, during the show one guy shouted out, “How’s you NCAA bracket?” and he was like, “Pretty good so far, I had Villanova and Xavier, Georgetown screwed me over though…” What a cool guy. Sorry I have to go now, I have a meeting in exactly 1 minute.

I like to rank stuff. Whenever shit happens, I like to compare it to other shit that happened in some sort of ascending list format. Hence the motivation for this latest entry. I’m aware that VH1 and Blender have both done there own versions of such a list: to call these rankings inadequate would be a gross understatement. I actually like some of those songs; I don’t see what’s so bad about “Two Princes” or “Ice Ice Baby”. What’s more, the fact that none of the songs I’ve selected made either list is a mystery wrapped in an enigma. Well anyways, here’s the first group of songs. I find them shocking and atrocious, but still not quite crappy enough to make the top five.

10. John Cougar Mellencamp – “I Need A Lover”

You might wonder why I’ve given the #10 spot to “I Need A Lover” as opposed to something like … oh let’s say “Fly Away” by Lenny Kravitz. Now the latter sucks, but it’s a more meat & potatoes kind of suck—verse, chorus, repeat, etc. In contrast, this John Cougar ballad exhibits a broader range of ineptitude by purporting to be epic. The song insists upon itself, much like Stairway and Freebird; but because it has so little to offer, it compensates with an insipid, bombastic guitar intro and a gratuitously repetitive chorus.

Wait a second; did you say you need a lover who will drive you crazy? You’ll have to repeat that line again, I wasn’t paying attention the first 800 times you said it. Watch the 2-minutes mark of this clip, its very ridiculous.

9. Bad Company – “Shooting Star”

This song tells the story of a kid named “Johnny,” who “made a record, went straight to number one. Suddenly everyone loved to hear him sing the song.” Sadly, Bad Company could never make that claim about one of their own songs, certainly not this piece of shit.

In the end, “Johnny’s life passed him by like a warm summer day, if you listen to the wind you can still hear him play.” Unless Johnny’s guitar playing sounds like “wwwwoooooooooooossssshhhhhh” I’m pretty sure that last line is bullshit. However, If any kids out there are reading (not likely) take note here. This type of hackneyed, vacuous metaphor could earn you a B on your next fourth grade poetry assignment.

8. Fleetwood Mac – “Dreams”

The worst critically acclaimed band of all time, Fleetwood Mac actually produced several candidates for this list. I wanted to recognize 10 different artists—otherwise the song “Say You Love Me” would’ve been a shoe-in, sounding like Raffi on Ecstasy. However, the song “Dreams” manages to outsuck all of their previous efforts (no small feat) and is widely regarded (by me) as the most boring song in the history of recorded music. That even includes the song where Kenny G plays one note for an hour and a half. But don’t take my word for it:

Well, there you have it. The note E-flat, sustained for 90 minutes, is better than this song.

7. LFO – “Summer Girls”

This one would probably be ranked even higher except it’s almost too easy to make fun of.

The main problem I have with the video is there’s the one douchebag who’s singing the whole time-–what the hell are the other two guys there for? They don’t play any instruments, and they don’t sing at all during the song. My theory is that every music video made in the late 90’s had a “three fag quota” which meant that MTV would refuse to air it unless a minimum of three gay losers were standing around making stupid faces during the duration of the video.

6. Puff Daddy – “Come With Me”

If you’ve ever seen the movie 8 Mile, you know the scene at the end where Eminem totally disses the guy, and makes fun of all the stuff he was about to say – so when it’s his turn in the rap battle, he totally freezes up. Well I think if that guy had just starting rapping anyway, spitting random, asinine rhymes, vaguely tied to a central theme of “Hey man, I dislike you” it would probably sound like this song. Check out some of these lyrics:

Come with me, yeah
Come with me
Come with me, AHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOWWW
Yeah, like this
Come on, Come on
Yeah turn me up, turn me up
Yeah yeah yeah, come on now, Yeah
Hear my cries
Hear my calls
Lend me your ears (Uh huh You ready now? Come on check this out)
Hear my cries
Hear my calls
Lend me your ears, Uhh (Oh yeah that’s right, Oh yeah that’s right)
Hear my cries
Hear my calls
Lend me your ears
See my fall
See my errors
Know my faults
Time halts
See my loss

The video for this song cost about $3,000,000 to make.

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